Dad's Column
Unasked-for speed skating analytics, power rankings, and rants.
2025/26 Post #26 – The Emin and Choir Awards
Hello Managers, Apologies for the long wait, but I finally found a moment to write up the Emin and Choir Awards. For those not familiar, t...
Read Article2025/26 Post #25 - Mom on moms
This season has brought us much drama, and your dads have been much more active in their coverage of it. But now it’s time: at the end of th...
Read Article2025/26 Post #24 – That’s a Wrap!
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, What. A. Fucking. Season. From start to finish, this was one of the most exciting ones yet. Who the hell ...
Read Article2025/26 Post #23 – On the Ground in Milan, Part 4
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, Since I’m low on time, I’ll save us both the trouble of writing (or reading) a preamble. We finished up t...
Read Article2025/26 Post #22 – On the Ground in Milan, Part 3
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, The Olympics is all done, and what a fucking show it was. Upsets in almost every distance kept things int...
Read Article2025/26 Post #21 – Lessons from the 2026 Olympics
Greetings Fantasy Speed Skating Managers, As you probably already know, FantasySpeedSkating.com balled out and sent Dad, Stepdad, Your ...
Read Article2025/26 Post #20 – On the Ground in Milan, Part 2
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, Though it was a short break, it’s been a successful writing retreat as I was able to catch up on maybe 50...
Read Article2025/26 Post #19 – On the Ground in Milan, Part 1
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, After a very hectic first week in Milan, Stepdad and I decided to make a quick trip to San Marino to rela...
Read Article2025/26 Post #18 – Are Dad’s Lads Still Kicking Your Ass?
Hello speed skating managers, Back for a quick update before the Olympics start. And I mean quick, cause I’m at the airport ready to head ...
Read Article2025/26 Post #17 – Updating the Trackers for the Olympics
Hello managers, It’s Dad back again with a quick update to the trackers before the Olympics. Dad never fails to follow through on a promis...
Read Article2025/26 Post #16 – Ongoing Storylines, Part 3
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, Whelp, looks like I’m back for Part 3. Once I got going, I realized there were so many fucked up things t...
Read Article2025/26 Post #15 – Ongoing Storylines, Part 2
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, Here’s Part 2 of the degenerate rambling that I started yesterday. After starting off with some of the li...
Read Article2025/26 Post #14 – Ongoing Storylines, Part 1
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, It’s been one hell of a busy month and I’ve definitely neglected my duties as the main staff writer here ...
Read Article2025/26 Post #13 - Team Name of the Year
TL;DR scroll to the bottom for the vote results Hello fellow speed skating enthusiasts and masochists (because why else would you be here?) ...
Read Article2025/26 Post #12 – Headlines at the Start of 2026
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, A lot has happened in the world of speed skating these past few weeks. Various national Olympic trials ha...
Read Article2025/26 Post #11 – Post-WC4 Power Rankings Update
Hello managers, We entered a new year as the clock struck midnight last night. In typical fashion, Dad rejected hundreds of invites to coo...
Read Article2025/26 Post #10 – The Return of Dad’s Lads
Hello speed skating managers, And just like that, the Fall World Cup circuit is over. Four fantastic weekend of racing, a few new world re...
Read Article2025/26 Post #9 – Life on the Road - A Speed Skating Podcast
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, World Cup 4 is just around the corner and Dad is back again to provide a quick update. Though, this time ...
Read Article2025/26 Post #8 – Updating the Trackers for WC3
Hello managers, It’s Dad back again with a quick update to the trackers before we get to the next World Cup. The clock was ticking and Dad...
Read Article2025/26 Post #7 – Post-WC2 Power Rankings Update
Hello managers, Now that we’ve seen the first pair of World Cups, it’s time to update the Crappy Tire Power Rankings. For the pre-season...
Read Article2025/26 Post #6 – Whose Stock is Rising?
Hello speed skating enthusiast, So much to unpack from these first two weekends of racing, but Dad is unfortunately quite busy. So ins...
Read Article2025/26 Post #5 – World Cup 1 Reactions With My "Friend" Chad
Hello speed skating enthusiast, Whelp. World Cup 1 was about as crazy as they get. Insanely fast times, three world records, good French sp...
Read Article2025/26 Post #4: Stepdad’s Update from European Headquarters
Dear Fantasy Speed Skating Managers, For the third weekend in a row, my train itinerary home was mangled by cancellations and delays. By n...
Read Article2025/26 Post #3 – Pre-Season Preview
Hello managers, Now that we’ve got the pre-season ranking bullshit outta the way, it’s time to get back to reality. How important are ...
Read Article2025/26 Post #2 – Pre-Season Power Rankings
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, Welcome back to Dad’s Column! It’s been a while since anything decent was posted here, so hopefully m...
Read Article2025/26 Stepdad’s Column #1: Stepdad Goes Dutch
Dear Fantasy Speed Skating Managers, It’s no secret that your Stepdad did NOT do well last year. At 34 th overall, I’m pretty sure that ...
Read Article2024/25 Post #13 – A New League Winner… Plus Some Emins
Hello Managers, As sad as it is to say, the season is now over. It was another amazing year of racing and fantasy speed skating. And b...
Read Article2024/25 Post #12 - Draft Logos (Brought to you by AI)
Shield your eyes - the 2025 Draft Logos are here! Let us know your thoughts down in the comments!
Read Article2024/25 Post #11 – Some Commentary on Free Agents
Hello Managers, Just like that, we’re down to only one more World Cup before the season ending World Championships takes place. I keep...
Read Article2024/25 Post #10 – Winter Power Rankings Update
Hello Managers, It’s time for another update to the Crappy Tire Power Rankings. It’s been another two World Cups and I’m sure y’all ...
Read Article2024/25 Post #9 – Find A Different Title Format, Mom!
Hello managers, With two more World Cups now behind us, it’s time for us to check in with how our crummy free agent teams are doing. W...
Read Article2024/25 Post #9 – Mom Came Back from the Corner Store
Mom’s column returns I’ve been mulling over a way to come back to support our poor dads (Dad, Stepdad, and our Biological Father) who ...
Read Article2024/25 Post #8 – Leaving Milwaukee
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, Welcome back to the column for another World Cup recap. Once again, instead of going through it all e...
Read Article2024/25 Post #7 – An Iconic Weekend of Racing
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, What. A. Weekend. World Cup 3 in Calgary did not disappoint at all. After some suspiciously slow week...
Read Article2024/25 Post #6 – Holiday Break Recap
Hello Managers, As promised, here’s a quick update with a look at some of the recent events that are relatively important for the leag...
Read Article2024/25 Post #5 – Post-Fall Power Rankings
Hello Managers, Dad here, back with another quick update to the Crappy Tire Power Rankings. We’ve still got lots of time before the ...
Read Article2024/25 Post #4 – Dad’s Lads Fall Update [Repost]
Hello managers, It’s been a hot minute but I finally found the time to throw together a fresh post. Sorry for the lack of update following...
Read Article2024/25 Post #3 – Draft Day’s Leftovers
Hello managers, As promised, I’m back with another column. Though things have changed a bit and this one isn’t going to cover the draft as...
Read Article2024/25 Post #2 – So it Begins
Hello managers, World Cup 1 never, ever, ever disappoints. After a full summer of changes and a fall of quickly-building anticipation, we ...
Read Article2024/25 Stepdad’s Column #1: Cow Tools
Hello Fantasy Speed Skating Managers, In 1982, Gary Larson published a Far Side cartoon called “Cow tools”. The cartoon, which was capti...
Read Article2024/25 Post #1 – Pre-Season Power Rankings
Welcome back, Shitters. It’s been a long, long summer. Did you get sick and tired of all those sunny days? I did. Did it seem like sum...
Read Article2023/24 Post #21 – Emin and Choir Awards
Hello managers, Did you watch the Academy Awards this past weekend? Me neither, but that does signal that it’s finally award season. U...
Read Article2023/24 Post #20 – Crowning a New Champion
Hello managers, It’s been one Hell of a year and the final weekend of racing didn’t disappoint one bit. I don’t know about y’all, but ...
Read Article2023/24 Post #19 – The Beginning of the End
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, We finally made it. Four more days of racing and this season will finally be over. If you’re as obses...
Read Article2023/24 Post #18 – Final Power Rankings Update
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, Most of this season’s points have been paid out, but we do still have one more weekend of racing left...
Read Article2023/24 Post #17 – Derailed Ranting
Hello managers, As promised, I’m back again with some more skating thoughts following the big World Championships weekend that most of...
Read Article2023/24 Post #16 – World Championships Breakdown
Hello speed skating enthusiasts! It’s been a wild week. World Championships brought us some massive upsets, some huge chokes, and a wh...
Read Article2023/24 Post #15 – Skater Math: Stolz Edition
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, With World Cup 6 now behind us, the World Cup Circuit is officially over. All the points for the Worl...
Read Article2023/24 Post #14 – A Wee Update Before The Last World Cup
Hello Managers, Though it’s only been one World Cup since the last Power Rankings update, it’s been a full six weeks and lots of behin...
Read Article2023/24 Post #13 – Council of the Dads
Hello speed skating enthusiasts! After a long break from the World Cup circuit, high-quality international racing resumes tomorrow wit...
Read Article2023/24 Post #12 – The (5) Year(s) in Review: Part 3
Hello Managers, This is the third and final part of the Year in Review series. In this series, we’re looking at the best and worst t...
Read Article2023/24 Post #11 – The (5) Year(s) in Review: Part 2
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, Welcome back to Part 2 of this series. Continuing from Part 1, we’re trying to figure out what we ca...
Read Article2023/24 Post #10 - The (5) Year(s) in Review: Part 1
Hello Managers, After a month-long hiatus, Dad’s finally back with some new content. I was planning to do a simple Year in Review po...
Read ArticleStepdad’s Tips: How to be just a little bit better in 2024
Hello Fantasy Speed Skating Managers, Stepdad has been through the wringer. After downing a two-four of Dad’s delicious beer, I blacked ou...
Read Article2023/24 Post #9 - Holiday Season Power Rankings Update
Hello managers, Now that I’ve had a few days to digest the entirety of the Fall World Cups, it’s time to see where all of your god-awf...
Read Article2023/24 Post #8 - 28%
Hello Managers, The Fall World Cups are officially in the rear view mirror. It’s been a busy five weeks, with four very eventful weeke...
Read Article2023/24 Post #7 - Welcome Back, Dr. Kreamer
Hello managers! Dad here, back after another great weekend of World Cup racing and a couple of posts from other members of the Council...
Read ArticleThe Best Team Names of the 23/24 Season
Happy Friday, managers! The people have spoken. After an absolutely grueling week of voting and a battle at the top that was tighter t...
Read ArticleStepdad's Column 2
Dear Fantasy Speed Skating Managers, It was a slow week at work for your stepdad, so I spent some intimate time with the Skater Predicted Po...
Read Article2023/24 Post #6 - Dad’s Column Fact Check
Hello you slimy bastards, Dad here again for a wee update. It looks like a few of you have caught on to my sub-par editing standards a...
Read Article2023/24 Post #5 - Fall Power Rankings Update
Hello Managers, Now that I’ve had a week to digest the results from the first two World Cups, the updated power rankings are finally ...
Read Article2023/24 Post #4 - World Cup 2 Recap
Hello Managers, With the first pair of World Cups behind us, we’re finally getting to see how things are shaping up in our fantasy lea...
Read Article2023/24 Post #3 - ISU Fact Check
Hello speed skating enthusiasts, Dad here with a quick pre-World Cup 2 column. If you’re looking for some insightful commentary that c...
Read Article2023/24 Post #2 - Season Opener
Hello Managers, With the World Cup season officially underway, it’s time for us to talk fantasy speed skating on a near-weekly basis. ...
Read Article2023/24 Post #1 - Dad's "Pre"-Season Rankings
Hello speed skating enthusiasts! Another summer has flown by and we are finally back in action for our 6 th season of fantasy speed s...
Read ArticleStepdad's Column
Dear Fantasy Speed Skating Managers, Get ready to be disappointed. Dad is busy working this week (he’s found gainful employment as a leftist...
Read ArticleNew Look, Same Dad
Hello everyone, Now that I have spent some time getting my bearings, I think I'm starting to understand how this magnificent new website ...
Read ArticleBoomer Alert
Hello Everyone, Just Dad here again, casually fiddling around with this new website. Don't mind me! Cheers, Dad
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