Hello managers,
Now that I’ve had a few days to digest the entirety of
the Fall World Cups, it’s time to see where all of your god-awful teams land in
the latest power rankings. I’ll remind you all briefly that the official league
rankings may reflect actual points trickling in, but the power rankings really
are more accurate. How could this be? A couple reasons, the first of which is
obvious for those of you who bothered to read about
Race Equivalents
in the
previous post (Post #8 – 28%). But the main reason is the intense vibes that
Dad channels and uses to compare each dogshit team from each other.
Analyzing fantasy speed skating is more art than
science, as should be evident from the contrasting results that Dad and Stepdad
see in their predictions and rankings. If this column was about baking cakes or
building rockets (or maybe even designing alternative transit systems), someone
with the mind and smarts of Stepdad might actually have some use.
Unfortunately, this column is about fantasy speed skating, not cakes or rockets
(or transit systems). Dad has two arts degrees, while Stepdad has none. It is
clear which expert should be relied on for an accurate ranking list.
I’m going to do things a little different this week.
I’ll post the rankings in reverse order and actually try to say one or two
things about every single team as we climb the ladder from the teams that are
laughably bad to the teams that will likely be a couple dollars richer come
March.
Here is the latest edition of the
2023-2024
Crappy Tire Power Rankings
, brought to you by Crappy Tire:
Emin Chasers
These are the teams that at this point would probably
be happy to crack the top half, even just for a brief moment mid season. These
teams might be run by managers who care about this league but just don’t have
the wits to match their dedication. I admire those that try their best even
when their best is still worse than most people’s worst. I just thought of a
classic Mike Reid quote, “hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work
hard.” This group is the direct opposite of that, where no matter how hard they
try they will still fail, even when no one else is trying. But, once again, I
admire the dedication.
40. Paul Blart: Mall Llop
Rank Last Update: 36 (-4) League Rank: 38
I tried keeping this team out of the gutter for a few
weeks because the pair of veteran managers should possess the know-how to claw
their way out of the very bottom of the league. Turns out my hope was misguided
and these managers can’t be trusted to do anything right. Stolz is an obvious
bright spot and could realistically claw this team out of the bottom 10 on his
own if he pops off in the second half of the season, but there’s a lot of dead
weight that needs to be carried. Howe, Horikawa, Gelinas-Beaulieu, Henriksen…
the potential is there, but things just haven’t clicked yet for this group of
skaters. Though the team didn’t have very far to fall from the preseason
rankings, it’s a sad day when you’re ranked below every team managed by a
Bieber.
39. Gone Fishing For My Kok
Rank Last Update: 40 (+1) League Rank: 40
Shockingly, this is almost a PB rank in the power
rankings for this team. That is pretty incredible for a team that has Stolz,
Kok, Krol, Gao, Dijs, and Otterspeer. Honestly, looking at that list I’m even
surprising myself that I put them down here. These skaters ain’t half bad, but
some massive management blunders are really dragging this team down in the
rankings. Keeping Stolz active on the roster when he didn’t go to WC2 and then
pulling him off the roster for WC3 and 4 cost this team well over 100 points.
This team might not be as bad as their dead-last league standing suggests, but
they’re the goddamn closest thing.
38. I am speed
Rank Last Update: 39 (+1) League Rank: 27
This team could be over 40% done their season, a
league high mark depending on how many of the members of this roster qualify
for events in the winter. My thought is that this team’s current League Rank is
inflated by Dutch skaters. Leerdam aside, all of Kiel, Dul, Snel, Huizinga,
Verkerk, and in ‘t Hof haven’t exactly been noteworthy yet but have still
earned points. This could come to a quick end if a lot of the Dutch regulars
decide to show up at Winter Trials. The prospect of one trials event
potentially wiping out 60% of your roster is a scary thing. Considering
Nonomura is hardly a lock for World Champs either, Leerdam, Shinhama, and
Morishige might be finishing this season alone. Next year, I suggest studying
beyond just Dutch and Japanese Fall Trials.
37. OG Pearman
Rank Last Update: 34 (-3) League Rank: 39
Back-to-back double digit World Cup performances has
this team in the dumps. When numerous teams are easily cracking the 200-point
barrier on any given weekend, those 60- and 90-point weekends set you too far
back to realistically have a chance to win much of anything other than maybe an
Emin (which, I will say, looks like an equally competitive field this year).
Double false starting Otterspeer, B Grouping Howe, disappearing Qishi, sickly
Eitrem, pathetically-crying-on-camera-for-the-world-to-see Snellink…. the list
of things that went wrong for this team just keeps growing and growing.
Honestly, looking at the roster, this team would have been a wagon last season.
It’s crazy how much can change in just a few short months.
36. I am a Belieber
Rank Last Update: 37 (+1) League Rank: 25
Dad kneels down, closes his eyes, and clasps
his hands together on the side of his bed.
I hope this team crashes and burns,
I hope this team crashes and burns,
I hope this team crashes and burns,
He opens eyes, takes a look at how the
skaters on this team are doing.
He cracks a wide smile, knowing that his
prayers have finally been answered.
35. David, bosa’d my Huizinaga
Rank Last Update: 32 (-3) League Rank: 37
Nuis is in sharp form, KMS has found a bit of the
magic she had last year, Antoinette’s races outside of her reliable 1500m have
been a pleasant surprise, and Lollobrigida is skating like the milf we all
hoped she would be. The rest of the team? So fucking bad. Like irreparably bad.
I could give this manager 100 free agent swaps and this team would probably
still end up in the bottom ten. If Verbij remembers how to skate and gets a
shot to crush World Sprints, maybe this team gets upgrade to
Playing to Lose
.
Playing to Lose
Some of these teams might just be happy they didn’t
fall one category further, but most of these managers will probably be unhappy
with their rankings. Guess what? I don’t give a shit. Make better picks next
time or suffer the consequences of having a bad team. The best way to prove
Dad wrong is in the final league standings (notice the part where I said FINAL,
as these are the only rankings that are more accurate than mine). Or,
alternatively, tell me I’m wrong in the comment section, which has been depressingly
quiet lately. I miss the old days of seeing sexual and derogatory banter
between Pavel, Joy, Alexander, Joey, and Danila.
34. Hoping for a Miracle
Rank Last Update: 33 (-1) League Rank: 23
There is a pretty large discrepancy between the Power
Rank and the League Rank for this team and it’s totally explainable. The honest
answer? I totally forgot this team has Mei Han instead of Tim Prins.
Unfortunately, I’m already almost done writing this column so there’s no way I
go back and change things now. The model is suggesting that maybe 25
th
in the Power Rankings would be more appropriate, and my quick eyeball test
thinks that maybe somewhere in the middle of these two would be best. I just
have a
really
hard time getting over Bosiek as a 4
th
round
pick…
33. Valerie, please call me back (your RBC
mentee)
Rank Last Update: 30 (-3) League Rank: 26
Only three skaters have managed to make it through the
full Fall circuit without missing out on some easy points. The planned missed
weekends by skaters like Groenewoud can be frustrating but forgivable. Falls,
like Rio’s in the 1000m this past weekend, also frustrating and forgivable.
Double false starts? MULTIPLE OF THEM? Boys boys boys, get it the fuck
together! On a more positive note, having both Otterspeer and Verbij could be
one thing that does make this team a bit more competitive as there is a pretty
decent chance that at least one of these two lads makes it to World Sprints.
Both qualifying for the team might even send this team vaulting out of the
bottom quarter of the league and soundly into the mushy middle, but at this
point that feels a bit like a best case scenario.
32. God’s Hands
Rank Last Update: 31 (-1) League Rank: 36
Looking through this roster, I actually like a lot of
what I see. Shinhama, Morozova, and Kojima are longtime favourites of mine.
Schouten, Krol, Sato, and Weidemann look like strong contenders at Worlds. But,
the fact that they aren’t strong contenders yet is what has been holding this
team back. Schouten is finally getting things going but the other big names on
this roster need to get it together quick or risk being too far behind to stage
a comeback at Worlds. It seems that maybe God was too busy helping out Mr.
Andy’s team to focus on whatever the fuck his hands were doing over here.
31. Jenning de B-group
Rank Last Update: 38 (+7) League Rank: 33
One of the highest climbers in this edition of the
Power Rankings, this team really turned things around after a scarily bad WC2.
142 points as peak earnings for a single WC is not great by any measure, but
it’s really interesting to me that this mark was hit at WC3 (which had the
fewest events). This manager managed to snag some strong distance skaters
during the draft, namely Schouten, Ghiotto, and Bloemen. Bar Roest, this trio
could honestly be one of the most promising shots at a world record in Calgary
or SLC and the three of them will at the very least combine for some strong
points.
30. I Have A Dream
Rank Last Update: 27 (-3) League Rank: 30
My model actually has this manager even lower than
this, but the model doesn’t take into account the years of expertise or the
impressive track record that belong to this newly naturalized Canadian citizen.
That last part, though, might be what’s dragging him down; Canadians have the
worst average result of all the nationalities that have played in our league.
Maybe this year is just an uncharacteristically bad year, or maybe it really is
the fact that fully European managers tend to beat out Canadians by a large
margin. The silver lining in all this? His wife’s team is somehow allegedly
even worse, so the Meline vs Meline debate is still settled… for now. (Once I
update the rankings and account for free agent swaps, I imagine that this
manager will get left in the dirt by his wife pretty quickly).
The Pack
Despite being by far the largest group, only one new
team made it up to this level from a lower tier while two terribly managed
teams have fallen from grace and landed in
The Pack
. Nonetheless, this
group has been stirred up a lot and a couple of new faces find themselves near
the top of this tier and possibly even threatening to crack into
The Chase
.
29. Rookie Team
Rank Last Update: 29 League Rank: 30
Murakami’s season is almost half over already. The
bottom five skaters are projected to earn roughly 200 more points between them
(which, for those that don’t know, is really bad). Krol is currently tied in
the Skater Rankings at 79
th
—good enough to be considered a solid
pick as the dead last selection of the 80-skater draft. But things aren’t all
bad for this team. Bergsma showed some improvement at his only fall World Cup.
Michelle de Jong and Bosa haven’t exactly impressed anyone yet but it wouldn’t
be surprising to see both rocket up the Skater Rankings over the next few months.
It’s not quite over for this rookie manager but the door is definitely closing
quickly.
28. Team swinging Jake paulers
Rank Last Update: 26 (-2) League Rank: 32
When this manager picked Bloemen in the 4
th
round I thought it was over for this team already. I’ve since been proven wrong
by that skater selection, but the rest of the team is performing roughly as
expected (which is to say not very well). Huizinga, Koshkin, Henriksen, and
Speijers are a very interesting selection of promising younger skaters who
either were or still are strong juniors. Not every promising young skater show
up on the senior stage, especially with consistency, and that is the issue that
we’re seeing with this group so far this season.
27. Rob’s Discount Blowjob: Longer,
Limper, and more Tinter
Rank Last Update: 24 (-3) League Rank: 28
Groenewoud, Swings, and Ning have done well for this
team, but the rest of the squad is missing out on too many points-earning
opportunities to keep this team competitive. Johansson got DQ’s, Kongshaug got
OTT’d, Qishi is currently MIA, Dijs saved his best race for B Group, and Tim
Prins was a terrible third round pick. This team started in the middle, is
still in the middle, and will likely stay near the middle until the end of
time.
26. Grand Theft Sato V
Rank Last Update: 19 (-7) League Rank: 34
Another team with Bosiek in the 4
th
round,
so inevitably this team finds themselves in the bottom half. I actually though
the rest of the team looked half decent, though the fluctuations week to week
for Horikawa, Ichinohe, Rio Yamada, and Masaya Yamada have been killing me (and
killing this team’s chances of winning). A little bit more stability from these
Japanese skaters would go a long way.
25. Kim I Seok Kok?
Rank Last Update: 28 (+3) League Rank: 29
Picking absent drunkards in the middle rounds of the draft
is survivable, as made evident by this edition’s 19
th
ranked team. What
is less survivable is picking absent drunkard when you don’t have the depth the
replace them. Sumire Kikuchi? Cornelius Kersten? The fact that you have to
skate at least one of these jokers every weekend is pretty tough. The fact that
you also picked Lollobrigida, who we knew would be absent at the season’s
start, and therefore had to skate both of those jokers for two weekends is even
worse. I suggest making at least one improvement through a free agent swap
before it’s too late.
24. Different Creatures, Same Habits
Rank Last Update: 9 (-15) League Rank: 17
This team started the season in the top two for both
the League Rankings and the Power Rankings. Things were looking like a lock,
but then Masaya Yamada and his sorcerous powers somehow convinced this feeble,
weak-minded manager to pick him up after his too-good-to-be-true World Cup 1.
The result? This team now finds themselves in 17
th
in the League
Rankings and 24
th
in these Power Rankings. If this manager had done
nothing at all, this team would currently be in 4
th
in the League
standings. You read that correctly, I said
Fourth
. One really,
really, really, really bad free agent swap and this team fell from actively
competing for first to barely staying within the top half. All I’ll say is that
there is an
Emin Award for Worst Free Agent Pickup
and this manager is
the only nominee on the long list. I couldn’t care less about this manager
eating a dick in the League Rankings, but the fact that this manager is making
my preseason rankings look bad is unforgivable.
23. The Lolly-mom Gang
Rank Last Update: 20 (-3) League Rank: 24
After last year’s second round Johansson pick and then
the regrettable Kodaira snag a few rounds later, things were inevitably going
to be better this season. Goetz in the second round is a massive upgrade over
last year. Lollobrigida in the 5
th
came with risk but is looking
like it might pay off. Kilburg and Lorentzen in the latter rounds are getting
the job done better than I anticipated. Golubeva, Gelinas-Beaulieu, and Fish
aren’t much better than a stack of pylons at this point in the season but
history suggests that the potential to eventually earn some points from these
three is there.
22. Had to look up half my team and can’t
spell the other half #winningcombo
Rank Last Update: 35 (+13) League Rank: 21
By far our biggest climber in the new rankings, I have
to admit I was wrong about some parts of this team. The free agent pickups of
Dombek and Malfatti paid off more than I expected and could continue to
accumulate points at an impressive rate through both World Champ weekends.
Schouten is back in solid form and has crazy pop off-ability. KMS, The Woj,
Bowe, and Kojima are all trending in the right direction. Now if only this team
still had Morozova…. that’s one large blemish on an otherwise respectably
managed team.
21. COWS Pei ft. Connor Cowe, Bart
Moolwerf, and Dairyman Zurek
Rank Last Update: 25 (+4) League Rank: 22
This manager clutched up in the latter rounds of the
draft, with her 7
th
, 8
th
, 9
th
, and 10
th
round skaters all hitting at least one podium in the Fall. Mommy Miho in the
first and Antoinette in the second were also about as good as you could ask
for. Between those groups though? A heaping, stinking, brown, goopy cow pie.
Howe and Gelinas-Beaulieu have combined for 38 points so far. At this point
last season, that combo had already collected 143 points. Worse yet, that 143
point haul was without Tony’s mass start which represents 23 of their current
38 points, so essentially they’re collecting points at almost 10% the rate of last season. That’s really friggen bad and not doing this manager any
favours as she looks to crack the top half of the league in her first season.
20. 12pm public skaters
Rank Last Update: 12 (-8) League Rank: 18
Things were looking pretty good for a bit, but then
WC3 happened and it seems this team may have shown their true colours.
Consistent 160-170 point weekends is undoubtedly solid but barely cracking 100
points when the number of 500m events gets cut in half is not a good sign
heading into the second half of the season. Krol has the potential to carry
some serious weight over the next few months and I don’t think it’s wrong to
think that Horikawa still has plenty left in the tank, but overall things look
to be headed in the wrong direction with this team.
19. DB’s Drunk Drivers
Rank Last Update: 23 (+4) League Rank: 34
Imagine picking Min-Seok Kim and STILL threatening to
crack out of
The Pack
and into
The Chase
? Well you don’t have to
imagine it anymore because it’s actually happening. That Kim pickup was
reminiscent of the glorious Leenstra and Kodaira pickups that will forever live
in the collective memory of this league and have become an integral part of our
history and lore. Only, all of those teams were bloody awful and this team is
somehow actually half decent. Maybe a surging Woj, an aging but very impressive
Bloemen, and a hot start Yoshida have something to do with that?
18. The Momagers
Rank Last Update: 18 League Rank: 13
At this point, this team is essentially the gate
keepers to
The Pack
. You get past them and all of the sudden you’re a
favourite to win some money. Now, I’ll admit, I was
this
close to moving
this team up into
The Chase
, but I want to see just a little bit more consistency
first. Weidemann has missed time, Morishige is officially beatable, Eitrem is
sick, and Chung has been less impressive than normal in the mass start.
Dubreuil is starting to get things going but likely too late in the season to
warrant his status on this team as a first-round pick.
The Chase
It took a while, but we finally made it to a group of
teams that we have a little bit of respect for. The previous tiers range from
solid to flat out ugly. These teams
? Pretty strong and with good odds to end
up in the money
. Major mistakes?
Mostly lacking on these well
constructed rosters.
The only thing holding them back?
The fact that
there are managers, like Dad, who have even better teams.
Sorry, shitters.
17. Even Steven’s Semen Eating Emins 2:
Eager Emin Receives Even Steven’s Peen Excretion
Rank Last Update: 16 (-1) League Rank: 10
I really don’t see anything super special about this
team, but I also think that this manager has stayed clear of any true red
flags. The top 8 have produced solid points and it looks like they will
continue to produce solid points. There is definitely a risk that this team is
too sprint heavy and hasn’t banked enough points at this point in the season,
but some sprinters, like Lorentzen and Herzog, have me a bit less worried about
this. If Fledderus makes Sprints, Sanne makes WSD, and Ragne makes a World
Record look doable, this team has it within them to stay right around that 10
th
place mark where they currently sit in the League Standings. Anything higher
than that feels extremely unlikely.
16. Is that a Beune in your team or are
you just happy to see me?
Rank Last Update: 11 (-5) League Rank: 6
They might be off to a relatively hot start in the
League Standings, but I have a hard time believing that this team will be able
to hold their lead over most of the league. With over half the team consisting
of sprinters, banking points in the World Cup portion of the season is a must.
KMS has really turned things around since switching to her old boots (which
needed to happen for this team to have a remote chance of winning anything) but
the last week of the season will likely be the main deciding point for this
roster. With Jun-Ho and Hoolwerf unlikely to be at World Sprints/Allrounds, the
rest of the team is going to have to step up. Beune, Fledderus, and Scheperkamp
would be a fantastic trio to have for that weekend, but the fact that all three
may not qualify is a massive blemish on the future outlook of this team. I will
say that I appreciate the Malfatti pickup as we head into the second half of
the league as his 5000m/10,000m combo at Worlds could be worth a pretty penny.
Rank Last Update: 22 (+7) League Rank: 18
This team has been a bit of a rollercoaster in these
Power Rankings. I first had the team at 16, dropped it significantly to 22 but
have now brought it up even higher than that starting mark. Stolz is pretty
much guaranteed big points, and Eitrem and Kok will likely stack up the points
too. After that things get a bit harder to judge… Dijs is hit-or-miss and may
not make many of the big events at the end of the season due to the crazy level
of competition in the Netherlands, Giovannini has essentially become a one
trick pony so a tough race at WSD would be a huge setback, Kiel and in ‘t Hof
have largely disappointed so far while Bowe has quietly put together a
relatively strong start to the season. I feel like this team could really go
either way, hence the large swings in the Power Rankings, but I think we’ll
soon know which way things will land. Trials alone might be enough for us to
favor or hate on this team, so I wouldn’t be surprised to see a change in rank
for this team before they even step on the ice at the next World Cup.
14. Joy to the World
Rank Last Update: 21 (+7) League Rank: 16
Schouten back at the World Cups has been a Godsend
for this team, helping them haul almost 60% more points at WC4 compared to WC1.
Qishi remains a bit of a mystery at this point but if she comes back and Howe
gets back into this old form then this team has a fighting chance to make it
into the money. Jackson is really the only sprinter on this roster (or at least the only
sprinter worth anything) and she is particularly clutch so I don’t expect this
squad to see that big of a points drop off later in the season.
13. Let’s Go Girls
Rank Last Update: 15 (+2) League Rank: 4
It’s crazy to think that a team can crack the top 5 in
the League Rankings after 4 World Cups with five skaters at the bottom of the
roster who would be lucky to crack 100 points each by the season’s end. This
team’s success will weigh heavily on how deep into the season Jackson, Bowe,
and Beune perform. They lose steam by WSD? This team won’t finish in the money.
They all make it to Sprints and Allrounds and have a few solid races? Things
could be looking ok. They really show up at Sprints and Allrounds and gobble up
a bunch of podium finishes? A top ten league finish is without a doubt within
reach.
12. That's So Raven's Cravings 2: Bot
Baxton Caught Waxin' Raven’s Unshaven Contraption
Rank Last Update: 13 (+1) League Rank: 15
The Battle of the Matts lives on with both Matts
slugging it out in
The Chase
. I’m giving the upper hand to this Matt for
now, thanks mostly to impressive performances from Groenewoud and Morishige. If
Weidemann comes back for Worlds, Otterspeer makes the World Sprints team, and
Ichinohe remembers how to skate in A Group, this team could easily cruise into
the top 10 (even with Captain Swings at the helm as the first-round pick).
11. Got Herzoggin’ on my Ting till I Werf
Rank Last Update: 8 (-3) League Rank: 20
Horikawa has continued to struggle after her great
opening weekend, Bosa is a shell of his previous self, Herzog is headed in the
right direction but still not a top 5 sprinter, Hoolwerf has the mass start
acumen of a potato, and Bergsma was just a bad pick. The combo of Stolz and
Blondin will only let this team fall so far while Gao is doing his best to make
up for the rest of the roster’s underwhelming performances, but some of the
damage has already been done. Sitting dead middle in the league after the Fall
World Cups means that a
Top Cheddar
spot just isn’t warranted anymore.
10. From Kazakhstan with Love
Rank Last Update: 14 (+4) League Rank: 12
Roest, Ghiotto, Maltais and Han have led the charge on
this team with some very consistent points. The best part about this group?
They’ll likely only get better through the latter half of the season as all of
them are primed to skate a lot of races over the course of the two World
Championship weekends. The bottom half of the roster has still struggled so any
positive movement there could send this team deep into the top 10. That being
said, this team is rocking four skaters who are probably best left on the bench
so one last savvy roster change might be needed to keep this team in the mix if
any of the four skaters mentioned off the top hit a mid season wall.
9. Bloemen until you Get to the Top
Rank Last Update: 6 (-3) League Rank: 7
I’ve been impressed with this team from the start, even
putting them in the top tier in the last rankings release. They may have fallen
down a notch, but they are still comfortably within the top 10 in both these
rankings and the league rankings. Kok has been hot and cold (and also sick)
while Ichinohe has been a disappointment. These blips haven’t been too costly
yet though, and I imagine this team has a pretty good chance of clearing these
mid-season speed bumps with ease. Compared to other former top tier teams
(looking at you
Different Creatures, Same Habits
) and considering
this team is actually up a spot from the preseason rankings, I’d say things are
looking pretty good here.
Top Cheddar
Much like in
The Pack
, most of the teams in
this tier either started at here or made their way up here in the previous
edition of the Power Rankings. With only one new entry, it seems that the top
teams are starting to solidify their place at the top of the league. Barely
over half of the remaining teams are ranked in the top 8 for both the Power
Rankings and the League Rankings, so this is where you really have to start
listening to Dad instead of paying attention to the unreliable League Rankings
that we update after each World Cup. If you’re currently at the top of the
League Rankings but I’ve already discussed your team, sucks to suck. If you’re
still waiting to read about your team: congrats, you actually did something
right for possibly the first time in your life.
8. Mr. Andy’s Handy-Dandy up the Ante
Speed Skating Squad, brought to you by God
Rank Last Update: 17 (+9) League Rank: 2
When Mr. Andy asked God for a great fantasy speed
skating team, God delivered. Mommy Miho captains this roster that includes a
surging KMS, an almost unbeaten Morishige, the best of the three Yamadas, a
shockingly consistent Ning, and Anders Johnson who has already managed to hit
his season-long expected points total of zero. What’s not to like about this
lineup? I had my doubts early on but I don’t think a roster of this caliber
deserves to be anywhere near
The Pack
. I’m not super confident that
putting this team in the
Top Cheddar
will age super well but for now
I’ll place this team among the best.
7. Pederfiles Won: the Bittner story of
how Thomas Herzog Stolz his child bride
Rank Last Update: 10 (+3) League Rank: 11
Just when things were starting to look a bit iffy,
Hallgeir and Kongshaug quickly right the ship with a super impressive WC4 while
Herzog continues to trend in the right direction. Ning is clearly back in top
form while Beune is off to her hottest start ever. With a big win at WC4 and
the 15 bonus points, it’s hard for me not to fall back in love with this roster
and place them safely within the
Top Cheddar
. With two free agent swaps
still on hand and eight years of fantasy speed skating experience managing the
bench, I find it hard to imagine this team falling far even if some of these
skaters start to slip up.
6. Glasgow Fast Turn Left
Rank Last Update: 7 (+1) League Rank: 14
Goetz continues to be the main engine behind this
teams early success, but now with Schouten back in the mix I think this team
will really start to climb. Ghiotto, Kazuya, Han and Giovannini have earned
more than expected, though not by an amount that makes me think it’s
unsustainable. The only thing haunting this team is their depth—one more injury
or early season exit from anyone else on this roster and the team might start
to lose momentum.
5. Graemer Fishsticks 6: Why was 6 afraid
of 7? Because 7 Ate Fishsticks
Rank Last Update: 5 League Rank: 9
Was Zurek able to turn things around? I think his
first ever 500m medal answers that. Did Kojima swiftly return to A Group? I
think his 1000m medal answers that one too. Nuis missing WC4 due to illness was
a small setback but a lot less worrying than the rumoured injury. Aydova,
Henriksen, and Tsuchiya continue to be weak spots but the team is overall well
positioned to excel in the latter stages of the season. Stepdad may be an
alcoholic with an equally troubling Skater Prediction Model, yet once again he finds
himself in a promising spot in the rankings.
4. Woj Yourself
Rank Last Update: 1 (-3) League Rank: 5
As expected, this team just keeps moving up in the
league rankings. Groenewoud is quickly making up for lost time while Sablikova,
Bowe, Hallgeir, and the Woj are providing some very solid points on the depth
side. Surprisingly, Leerdam is one of the harder to predict skaters on this
roster at this point. There is little doubt that she’ll end up quite high on
the skater ranking list at the end of the season, but at this point it looks
like it’ll be a stretch for her to earn her second overall draft slot. She was
beat in the 1000m for the first time in a very long time, but if she clutches
up at WSD and World Sprints then it wouldn’t be surprising to see this team win
it all. I’ve docked this team a few marks for now, but the separation between this squad and the three ranked above it is minimal.
3. Jutta Leerdam and the Half-Blood Prins
Rank Last Update: 2 (-1) League Rank: 3
Last update I suggested that Kazuya and Morozova might
have to carry a bit more weight if Fledderus dropped off her starting points
pace. Fledderus did indeed drop from 23 points per WC to 14 points per WC, but
Kazuya and Morozova combined for 40 points per WC over the last two World Cups,
up from averaging just 16 points at WC1 and 2. The depth on this team is
showing and this is what has pushed this team ahead of
Woj Yourself
,
the only team ranked higher than them in the last rankings release. Unfortunately
for this squad, two other teams have shown some impressive depth as well and
they have surged ahead to take the top two spots.
2. Czech out my Sverre-y long and Rio hard
(Enge)Bråt-wurst
Rank Last Update: 4 (+2) League Rank: 8
I liked this team a lot from the very beginning of the
season. Almost looks like it’s full of skaters that I think highly of—the exact
type of skaters that my model will project to earn lots of points since I’m the
one that chooses what data goes into the model. Maybe I’m drinking a bit of my
own Kool-Aid on this one, but for the first time in a while Dad can honestly
say he has quite a good team. I am so excited to finally enter the Hall of
Champions (shhh stop jinxing it!).
1. Goetz, Glory, Han
Rank Last Update: 3 (+2) League Rank: 1
He’s led the league standings since the first World
Cup, posting three 200+ point weekends and winning half of the Fall World Cups.
Mommy Miho and Goetz continue to anchor this roster, but now the depth is
really starting to show. Qishi was on fire before mysteriously disappearing.
Picking up her slack immediately was Peder Kongshaug who just shredded past a
hard-to-beat Stolz to World Cup gold in the 1500m. Kilburg and Han have both
been fantastic while Kazuya posted his first ever double podium weekend. This
team is firing on all cylinders with every skater drafted in the first eight
rounds hitting at least one podium in the fall. The weakest link? Probably
Qishi and Kongshaug since they’ve been held to only one podium each (I’ll admit
I’m totally ignoring the very lackluster bench skaters, but you don’t have to
be good at skating to sit on the bench. Whether your Jordan Stolz or Metodej
Jilek, you’ll still get zero points). The model has this team on pace to flirt
with 3000 points this season which, in the unlikely event that this actually
happens, would be a spectacular achievement.
So there you have it, the fully updated Holiday Season
Power Rankings. Now you all know where you stand heading into the Winter World
Cups and the excitement of World Champs season.
Though our league will be quiet for the next bit,
there’s still lots of racing coming up these next few weeks so make sure to
tune into various national trials events around the world. First up is usually
the Netherlands at the end of December, so most of you should be free to watch
some of it since it’s before many of you head off to Quebec for our own trials
event here in Canada.
More importantly, I’m finishing this column up on my
last night in Edmonton before I head back to Calgary for most of the next 6
weeks. If you’re in town, come grab a pint sometime with Dad. He’ll have lots
of free time!
Cheers,
Dad