Hello Managers,
With the first pair of World Cups behind us, we’re finally
getting to see how things are shaping up in our fantasy league. Though the
sample size is still small, a few teams have already set themselves out from
the rest of the pack at both ends of the league standings.
I’ll be kicking off the column with the usual
Weekend
Recap
, followed some
Early Season Blunders
. As always, I’ll finish
up with the
Injury and Free Agent Trackers
. The updated
Crappy Tire
Power Rankings
are in the works and weren’t ready in time for this column,
but I promise they’ll be out before the next World Cup.
Weekend Recap
World Cup 2 kicked off with the first women’s 500m
event. Erin “Mediocre” Jackson stormed to gold with compatriot Kimi Goetz one hundredth
behind her, good enough for second. They were the only two skaters to break the
38-second barrier. Kim “KMS” Min-Sun beat out Jutta Leerdam by a hundredth and snagged
the bronze, her first podium finish of the season. Ruining Tian had a great
race on home ice and finished 5
th
, foreshadowing what was to come in
the other women’s events. Canada’s Carolina Hiller skated significantly faster
than last weekend and earned her first ever top-10 A Group finish. Femke Kok and
Marrit Fledderus were noticeably absent, likely due to illness.
The second 500m saw a similar cast up at the top, with
Mediocre Jackson going two for two in the 500m. She is currently undefeated at
international events on this track, as she also won Olympic gold here in 2022. KMS
once again beat out Leerdam, though this time they each moved up a spot into the
silver and bronze positions as they pushed Goetz down to 4
th
place. After
skating three 38.59’s in a row, Vanessa Herzog finally deviated and finished in
a time of 38.76, good enough for 17
th
. Fledderus and Kok were back
for this race, finishing 6
th
and 9
th
respectively.
In the 1000m, Miho “Mommy” Tagaki cruised to the gold
medal while Goetz took home the silver. This marks the first time in over a
year that Leerdam was beat in a World Cup 1000m, though she still managed to
finish 3
rd
. Li Qishi and Han Mei finished 4
th
and 7
th
on home ice while Nadezhda Morozova shockingly had her best race of the season
in the 1000m, cracking into the top 10. It seems that we’re starting to see
some impressive results in the women’s 1000m from skaters who made their name
in the 1500m, including not only the aforementioned Han and Morozova but also Antoinette
Rijpma-de Jong and Ayano Sato. Hell, Even Ragne Wiklund qualified for an A
Group 1000m for her home World Cup in two weeks in Stavanger.
Mommy Miho got her second gold of the weekend in the
women’s 1500m, followed closely by Han Mei who skated a phenomenal first lap
and held on for the silver. Li, another Chinese skater, end up on the third step
of the podium. Marijke Groenewoud finished 6
th
, meaning she’ll be
headed to B Group for the 1500m at World Cup 3. Isabelle Weidemann struggled to
get things going and finished with the slowest time.
In the 3000m, Ragne Wiklund put on another clinic and
smashed the competition for the second week in a row. Martina Sablikova,
everyone’s favourite Czech skater (everyone except for maybe Emil and Eric),
improved on last week’s result and snuck into the silver medal position at the
end of the race. Han, having the weekend of her life, finished 3
rd
–
an incredible results for the Chinese allrounder. Weidemann pulled it together
after a shaky few laps and finished in 6
th
, while Irene Schouten
only managed to finish in 8
th
in her 23/24 World Cup long distance
debut. This means that she’ll be headed to B Group next weekend in the 5000m, much
like Groenewoud in the 1500m.
The top four skaters in the B Group 3000m posted some
fantastical results, all breaking 4.08 (albeit with the help of a quad). These
four were Groenewoud, Mommy Miho, Elisa Dul, and Morozova. Since World Cup 3
features the women’s 5000m, only the top skater in B Group (Groenewoud) gets to
move up to A Group.
In the mass start, the mega-field of 23 skaters
limited the ability for the top skaters to make an early break. Every time
someone good made a move, 7 shitters would be glued to their ass and a small
train would form. It wasn’t until the 9
th
lap that Groenewoud
managed to break away without pulling any undesirables to a medal with her. Thanks
to some shotty ISU camera work, Ivanie Blondin and Valeria Maltais sprinted to silver
and bronze in a final lap that we’ll never get to actually watch. Irene
Schouten, an easy favourite for a medal, finished in 5
th
– just high
enough to keep an A Group spot if the event attracts two more skaters for World
Cup 3 and needs to be split into two divisions.
Amazingly, 14 different women earned at least one
sprint point out of a possible total of 15. Only Groenewoud earned points more
than once, snagging the final sprint points as well as the 60 ISU points for
finishing in first at the end. Sandrine Tas, the fastest skater to cross the
line without a sprint point, finished down in 15
th
(good enough for
1 point in our league).
This week’s
Angelina Golikova Memorial Award for
Skating Good
goes to… Jutta Leerdam! She skated a 26.97 lap in her 1000m
and takes this award
yet again
.
On the men’s side, Wataru Morishige picked up where he
left off by taking the gold medal in the men’s 500m. Yuma Murakami, the only
other skater to break 35 seconds, finished in 2
nd
. Kim Jun-Ho beat
out Merijn Scheperkamp by a pair of thousandths for the bronze medal. For those of you who adhere to the Kim-Krol
Kim Theory, that’s now two Kim’s medalling in the 500m events this weekend, meaning
Krol’s chance at a 1500m medal essentially dropped to 0% before he even had a
chance to prove himself.
Shinhama had a massive slip and barely skated the
final corner, costing him big time on his lap. He still managed to finish in 8
th
.
Cha Min-Kyu, in a display of perfection, played the part of “A Group Shitter”
to a tee by finishing dead last.
Morishige also took gold in the second men’s 500m
event, his 3
rd
gold in that distance this season. Laurent Dubreuil, after a rough opening World Cup
weekend, managed to take the silver in a noticeably improved race. His good
friend and old training partner Yuma Murakami finished in 3
rd
. Gao
Tingyu, back from the dead and out of B Group, just missed the podium and
finished in 4
th
.
Shinhama had another massive slip in the second corner
for the second race in a row, this time falling to 13
th
in the
standings. It’s hard to say if the two slips were a load of bad luck or if they
are linked to an alleged hip injury that he was dealing with at World Cup 1. Damian
Zurek, who finished in 5
th
in the first 500m, fell to 16
th
.
Known last year for being a consistent points earner, he has become much
streakier and has finished in either the top 5 or bottom 5 of each 500m yet
this season.
In the 1000m, Kjeld Nuis annihilated the competition by
winning gold by close to a full second. Havard Lorentzen, a veteran in the
distance (and a consensus shitter on Draft Night), skated an impressive race
from start to finish and earned himself a silver medal. Ning Zhongyan skated a
nearly identical race to Lorentzen but crossed the line just a few hundredths behind,
placing him in 3
rd
. Shinhama redeemed himself for his rough 500m
events and placed 4
th
. Antoine Gelinas-Beaulieu wild carded into the
event (kicking Dubreuil out of A Group in the process) and finished dead last
by a healthy margin (slower than even Dad’s PB… oof). Masaya Yamada, who got
gold last week, finished in 16
th
.
Nuis also took the gold in the 1500m, followed by Patrick
Roest. Ning, most people’s favourite to win the event according to our Poll of
the Week submissions, held on to the bronze medal. Seitaro Ichinohe impeded Peder
Konghaug, getting DQ’d but still screwing over Peder’s race. Both finished with
zero points. Also with zero points was Masaya Yamada, who posted the slowest
time despite winning this event the weekend before. Thomas Krol finished in 9
th
,
quite a good result considering the Kim-Krol-Kim Theory.
Two impressive results that you should take note of
were Hendrik Dombek of Germany (a free agent in most pools) who finished in 5
th
and David La Rue who cracked the top 10 for the first time in his career.
Congrats to both these relatively young men.
Patrick Roest got his second medal of the weekend in
the men’s 5000m, this time a gold. In a re-match of the final 5000m of the 2022/23
World Cup season, Davide Ghiotto and Sandre Eitrem squared off and finished in
2
nd
and 3
rd
respectively. No garbage cans were kicked
over this time. Ted-Jan Bloemen, who the announcer referred to as “the elder
statesman” (definition: a retired government leader who gives advice to current
leaders), finished in 4
th
place for the second weekend in a row.
The men’s mass start saw the Italian duo of Andrea
Giovannini and Daniele Di Stefano finish in the top two spots. Bart Swings finished
with bronze, extending his mass start podium streak. Bart Hoolwerf, the lesser
of the two Barts, finished in 4
th
. Timothy Loubineaud broke midway
in the race and held on for long enough to collect plenty of points but was ultimately
caught in the end. He ended up in 6
th
place, his best finish in
years. Livio Wenger, who was on the podium last week, fell in the last lap and
finished last. He should easily have enough points to stay in A Group next
weekend.
And finally, this week’s
Pavel Kulizhnikov Yardcare
Inc. Award for Skating Good
goes to Kjeld Nuis for skating a 24.87 lap in
his 1000m. Nuis was the only skater to skate a lap under 25 seconds all weekend
and was humbled to receive this award when I called him to tell him the great
news:
Kjeld
– “I mean, I’m really fast, so I don’t get why this would surprise anyone”
Dad – “Well, it’s not
like you won it last week, and this is your very first time winning the award, so
I do think there’s at least a bit of competition. How can you deny that?”
Kjeld – “Fuck you.
[click]”
Early Season Blunders
The early season is always loaded with uncertainty. How
will the times from one oval stack up against another? Will my favourite Chinese
skater even be competing at World Cups? Is my favourite geriatric at risk of
retiring mid season? Who the Hell starts in A Group?
These questions can be tough to answer, so not every
move made in the first week or two will go as planned. Especially with illness circulating
around the World Cup circuit and causing skaters to scratch left and right, it’s
been hard to make perfect decisions these past two weeks. But not all bad decisions
are equal. If you put Livio Wenger on your active roster this week after his podium
performance at World Cup 1, that didn’t become a bad move just because he fell.
You likely made the best decision based on what you knew at the time.
Unfortunately, not every manager has been making forgivable decisions. Here’s a
list of bad moves made by managers made in the first two weeks of the season.
The Masaya Yamada Debacle –
His
double gold performance had managers frothing at the mouth trying to pick up
this potentially game-changing free agent in time for World Cup 2. The result? Another
two races down, yet not a single point to show for it. Now, it’s not like Yamada
won’t earn another point all season, but wasting half of your free agent
pickups on this guy will likely be something you regret. As Peter Mark put it, “Yamada
huge mistake”.
This is particularly true if you gave up someone good
to get him on your roster. One manager gave up Kojima, a skater who missed
World Cup 2 and will have to claw his way back into A Group. That trade wasn’t the
end of the world. Two managers gave up Golubeva to pick up Yamada. Since she’s
not currently racing World Cups, this is also not a season-ending trade.
Finally, one manager gave up Mei Han to pick up Yamada. Han just landed on the podium
twice this past weekend and put up 44 more points than Yamada. Now THAT is what
we call a braindead move. Good job Christian! If you keep this up you’ll
somehow torpedo a fantastic roster through poor management alone.
A New Deal for Dombek –
Henrik
Dombek is newly signed to one team in this league, a first for him. He got
picked up in the second free agent slot for this team with a questionably long name:
Had to look up half my team and can't spell the other half #winningcombo.
Now, I am well aware that he is skating decently well, but I just can’t see
this pick paying off in the long run. Usually, teams that use both their free
agent pickups this early in the season struggle to field full rosters down the
line, particularly at World Sprints/Allrounds. Maybe I’ll be eating my words on
this one, but for now I think that a “wait and see” approach would have been
better. It doesn’t help that the first free agent swap by this manager involved
dropping Morozova. I won’t be the slightest bit shocked if that one doesn’t age
well.
Hoolwerf-Averse –
Bart
Hoolwerf was benched at World Cup 1 by
Got Herzoggin' on my Ting til I
Werf
. He then proceeded to win the mass start and collect 25 points for
the other teams that skated him. If you’re gonna name your team after him, at
least put him on your active roster.
Benching Bosa –
This
guy has established himself as a solid A Group skater in both the 500m and
1000m. Now imagine benching this guy to skate Masaya Yamada. That’s right, I’m
still not over this Yamada thing. Also, the fact that this move
was also
done by Christian
is blowing my mind. What’s the old adage: if it ain’t
broke, don’t fix it? Clearly this Christian guy has gotta figure out a better
way to manage his team.
Do You Even Know Who Yukino Is? -
Imagine
drafting an absolute dark horse pick like Yukino Yoshida and having them pop
off for 32 points? Now imagine doing this but keeping them on your bench for
both weekends? I’ll be nice and classify this move as “lazy” instead of “braindead”
since I’m not convinced the manager even knows who this skater is, but if this
ain’t fixed in the next week or two by
DB’s Drunk Drivers
then I’ll
quickly be changing my mind.
It’s Time to Trust Ted –
Bloemen
was not a pick I really had on my radar for the top 6 rounds of the draft, but
after back-to-back 4
th
place finishes he is putting up some solid
points. Unfortunately,
Team Swinging Jake Paulers
picked him up
in the 4
th
round but have sat him on the bench both weekends in
favour of skating Huizinga, Koshkin, and Henriksen. It’s time to put a bit more
faith in this Ted guy and benefit from the points he’s earning.
Gao Tingyu Wows in Debut –
After
a year plagued with injury (or a doping coverup, depending on who you ask), the
Olympic Champion is back on the World Cup circuit. Unfortunately, he’s not back
on everyone’s active roster. Imagine benching this guy to skate Graeme Fish
(that’s right, I’m looking at you
Gone Fishing For My Kok
). Ugh,
y’all make me so mad sometimes.
Point-less
Performers –
What
do Sigurd Henriksen, Graeme Fish, Elisa Dul, Maddison Pearman, Yevgeniy Koshkin,
Kim Hyun-Yung, and Conor McDermott-Mostowy have in common? Each of these
skaters were stuck in B Group for at least one of the first two World Cups but
still managed to make it onto at least one active roster. To your credit, these
skaters at least competed. But if you want to win in this league, I suggest making
use of skaters who can actually earn points when they race.
To Read a
Translated-From-A-Foreign-Language Team Announcement, or Not to Read? That is
the Question –
While
some skaters weren’t competing for fantasy points, other skaters weren’t competing
at all. The managers who skated Marijke Groenewoud, Irene Schouten and Cornelius
Kersten at World Cup 1 or Jordan Stolz at World Cup 2 are either illiterate or
lazy. Try reading an entry list for once! (As I type this sentence I quickly remember
that there wasn’t an entry list for WC1. Buuuut you’re still not off the hook –
team announcements such as from the Dutch skating federation clearly announce who
is or isn’t going to each WC. Get better, shitters)
Alcoholics and Octogenarians –
Believe
it or not, Jorrit Bergsma and Kim Min-Seok both made it onto active rosters for
the first two World Cups. These fuckers weren’t even in the running to race at
the World Cups. Get them off your active rosters! (Except maybe Bergsma at WC3
if he wildcards into A Group for the 10k…. hint hint)
Injury Tracker
Nadezhda Morozova –
It
turns out she was just sick, not injured nor bad at skating. Five managers, including
Dad, can now breathe a massive sigh of relief.
Yekaterina Aydova
–
Unlike her Kazakh teammate, Aydova still sucks at skating. Maybe she really
does have a groin injury. Or maybe not. I honesty have no idea.
Kai Verbij –
Just
when we thought that “
B Group Shitter-itis”
was at risk of ending Verbij’s
career, he bounces back with a top 10 finish in a strong men’s 500m field. It’s
only one race so I’ll try to contain my excitement, but it looks like Verbij has
made a speedy recovery and will now be removed from the injury tracker (Sorry for
the false alarm LK, looks like he can still be Kai “The Bae” for now!)
Femke Kok, Hein Otterspeer, Marrit
Leenstra, and Like A Million Other Skaters –
Everyone is
getting sick. It happens. Sucks when it jeopardizes A Group spots but these
skaters will survive and so will your team.
Vanessa Herzog –
It’s
always sad to see great skaters go through tough stretches. Herzog missed most
of the 2022 Olympic season due to a back injury. Now she’s suffering from a
bout of “
not having fun
”. If she doesn’t turn this around soon, she
could be in for a long, crummy season.
Botond Bejczi –
I
was worried I was gonna jinx it by writing about Bejczi in my last column, but
it turns out this guy is actually on a heater. He took down one more shitter in
the 1000m, 4 more in the mass start, and another 4 in the 1500m. Though he’s
still getting fairly consistent last place finishes in the 500m, this Hungarian
joker either just had the best weekend of his career or he’s actually been
cured of his potentially fatal disease.
Free Agent Tracker
Li Qishi –
Li
was quickly scooped up by one last team after another fantastic weekend. She is
no longer available as a free agent.
Kurumi Inagawa –
With
35 points to her name, this Japanese sprinter is currently the free agent with
the most points. You’ll have to act fast if you want her though as she’s only
available in one more pool.
Taiyo Nonomura –
Currently
available in 4 pools, this Japanese mid distance skater actually had pretty
good back-to-back weekends. He’s outperforming most of the Japanese mid
distance team, all of whom are already picked.
Havard Holmefjord Lorenzten –
With
a bronze medal under his belt, this former Olympic champion, former World Sprints
winner, and former World Cup classification winner is somehow still available
in a few pools.
Sverre Lunde Pedersen –
Another
former Norwegian great, Pedersen at least has the excuse of a near-death
experience and career altering injury setting him back the last few years. He’s
off to a good start this season though and I wouldn’t wait too long to grab him
if you think he’ll go to World Allrounds.
Janno Botman –
This
Dutch sprinter is putting up some respectable points but is still available in
most pools. This pick won’t come without risk though – the uber competitive
Dutch field means a spot at Worlds is far from guaranteed. That being said, he’s
the only Dutch male skating both the 500m and the 1000m and could be an interesting
bet down the road for World Sprints.
Livio Wenger –
He
fell in the mass start at World Cup 2 and earned no points, but he’s still a
viable option for teams looking for exposure to mass start points. Warning:
betting on the mass start is a bit of a rollercoaster. One weekend your guy
wins the race, the next weekend he gets zero points. Kinda like Masaya Yamada.
(Yup, still not over it)
Michele Malfatti –
No
one else picked this guy up this week so he’s still only on one team. Probably
for good reason too since he’s not really that impressive of a skater. I guess
if you’re looking for some measly 5000m points you could pick this dirty Italian
up.
That’s all for today folks! This coming weekend is an
off-week for the World Cup skaters as they make the move to Europe. Racing
resumes in Stavanger, Norway on December 1st. For those hoping to maybe catch
some of the racing live, the time change for European World Cups usually means
we can watch from Canada late morning on the Friday and then a bit earlier on
both Saturday and Sunday.
I’ll be back later this week with the power rankings. Until
then, I hope you’re able to enjoy this beautiful weather we’re having here in
Western Canada.
Best,
Dad