Hello Managers,
Apologies for the long wait, but I finally found a
moment to write up the Emin and Choir Awards. For those not familiar, the Choir
Awards are a series of awards that we hand out for impressive achievements over
the season. For those familiar with regular sports awards, these will feel
pretty standard: best rookie, best free agent swap, best team drafted on the side
of a Manitoba highway… you get the picture. We’ve also got a bunch of Emins to
hand out, and these go to those who made the biggest mistakes or blunders:
worst free agent swap, worst performance by a previous winner, and worst team drafted by a Matt come to mind as a few common categories.
That’s about all you need to know for now. The individual
awards should hopefully be pretty obvious. I hope you enjoy the award show!
Emin and Choir Awards
The
Choir Award for Best Rookie
goes to Jack,
who finished in 28
th
place. This is a very challenging league to
break into with many returning managers, so finishing in the mushy middle as a
first time manager is actually quite impressive.
The
Emin Award for Worst Free Agent Swap
goes
to Adam for dropping the 196-point-earning Marten Liiv so that he could earn 33
points from Xue Zhiwen. I loved the bravery of this pick, but holy fuck did
that backfire. An honourable mention goes to MCV who came very close to winning
this award for the second year in a row. Much like Adam, these three managers also managed to move backwards by
means of free agency. They eagerly picked up Finn Sonnekalb early on (woohoo!)
but at the price of dropping Mia Manganello, who managed to finish the season
higher in the skater rankings. They only squeezed 151 points out of Sonnekalb
while Manganello earned an impressive 197. Talk about shooting yourself in the
foot.
The
Emin Award for Worst Attempted Free Agent
Swap
goes to Emma and Darby who tried to pick up Finn Sonnekalb at the
expense of Vladimir Semirunnij but just happened to put the request in a tad bit later than
MCV. So not only did MCV make a bad swap, but they also prevented their
competitor from making an even worse swap. Good job ladies! I’ve never seen a
group of managers come so close to so many undesirable Emins.
The
Choir Award for Best Free Agent Swap
goes
to Abby who picked up Beatrice Lamarche to replace Allan Dahl Johannson. Allan
finished the season with zero points whereas Lamarche finished with 287, enough
points to crack the top 20 in the skater rankings. Now, Abby isn’t the only one
who picked up Bea as a free agent, but this award isn’t just about the pickup
but also the drop. Since the other managers dropped legitimate skaters to snag
Bea, they gained fewer points than Abby while making their move. Unlike them, Abby was silly
enough to actually draft Allan Dahl Johansson on draft day. By drafting the worst
skater, she gave herself the most room for improvement through free
agency. Was this a strategic move on draft day to set herself up for a Choir
Award? Or was this just plain stupidity? Let me know in the comment section.
The
Choir Award for Not Needing to Pickup
Beatrice as a Free Agent
goes to Garrett for having the smarts to draft
Beatrice Lamarche in the 9
th
round. Nice pick G!
The
Choir Award for Best Finish by a Manager Who
Has Never Won Before
goes to Matt Z who finished in 4
th
. The
final podium was locked up by previous champions, but ahead of the rest of the
pack was Matt Z. Has he set himself up as the favourite in the betting odds to
be the next first-time winner in this league?
The
Emin Award for Worst Performance from a
Previous Winner
goes to Cody. Oh the sweet joy of being able to give Cody
an Emin. I thought I might have to get creative and make a niche category just to
personally target him, but then I remembered that his team sucked ass this year
and he got obliterated by those of us who actually know what we’re doing in
this league. Suck it, loser!
The
Choir Award for Skater Drafted to the Most
Winning Teams
goes to Femke Kok. I hate it and have nothing further to
say about it.
The
Emin Award for Skater with the Fewest Points
Who Once Finished First in the Skater Standings
goes to Vanessa Herzog.
This is just a sad one tbh. At a time that the Austrian national team is seeing
some very positive results, Herzog is trending in the wrong direction. Odor
was a steady top 10 finisher this year, Farthofer somehow broke into the all-time top ten
in the men’s 5000m, and Rosner took down a junior world record. Herzog, who was
once the top ranked skater in this league and a certified first-overall draft
pick (which might be hard to believe for some of the newer managers!) finished
this season without a single point—her first time truly hitting rock bottom.
The
Emin for Worst Team Management
goes
to MCV. Not only did they downgrade from Mia Manganello to Finn Sonnekalb AND
block another team from making an even worse free agent swap, but they also
left plenty of points on the table for their skaters: 32 from Marek Kania, 86
from Lee Na-Hyun (shoulda snagged her earlier!), and 69 from Chris Huizinga. They
didn’t save any free agent swaps for the late season and ended up with a few
spare active skater slots open at Worlds. Ultimately, they actually didn’t even
manage their team that poorly, but rather no other manager made a massive
mistake. Which is shocking, because this award usually goes to someone who drops
Han Mei during a breakout season or forgets to unbench their top skater after a
rest weekend. So MCV getting this award is both testament to how much better
the league has got and also just something I did to feel better about myself
since they keep beating me in my own damn league.
The
Emin Award for Worst Team Drafted on the
Side of Rural Manitoba Highway
shockingly had no newly eligible winner
this year. According to rule 44.44 in the Fantasy Speed Skating Rulebook, an
Emin Award without eligible winners must stay with the last person to win it,
so congrats to Garrett for once again taking home this prestigious award!
The
Emin Award for Being an Actual Emin
goes
to Cooper.
The
Choir Award for Best Team Drafted by a Matt
goes
to Matt Z. This year, Matt Z beat Matt L by a very meaty 25 spots in the league standings. Will that
gap turn to 30+? Tune in next year to find out!
The
Emin Award for Worst Team Drafted by a Matt
goes
to Matt L, who is starting to look pretty comfortable winning this award. What’s the old saying? Death, taxes, and Matt L winning an Emin award?
The
Choir Award for the Skater that got Closest to
Jordan Stolz
goes to Femke Kok. Kok earned an incredible 814 points,
which was still 471 points behind Stolz’s superb haul of 1285 (a new
single-season record!). Turns out going undefeated in the 500m at World Cups, going
undefeated at World Sprints, winning multiple Olympic medals and adding a third high-quality distance to your repertoire still means you’ll finish the season essentially
an entire first-round draft pick worth of points behind the legendary Jordan
Stolz.
The
Choir Award for Beating a Dummy Team
goes
to the top 21 teams! This is much better than last year when only two managers
won this award: Thomas and Dad. Thankfully, many of you got your heads out of your
asses and managed to draft and manage a team better than a literal sheet of
paper. On the flip side, barely half the league beat a dummy team. There is
clearly still plenty of room for improvement.
The
Emin Award for Tying a Dummy Team
goes
to both Lindsey and Nick who somehow managed to end the season in a three-way
tie with a dummy team. Congrats on being equally good at fantasy speed skating
as an inactively managed team picked off a stale pick-list from the year before.
The
Emin Award for Worst Confidence to
Performance Ratio
goes to Shawna and Kathy. At one point these two
actually told me their team was pretty good. Their finish in the bottom half of
the league says otherwise.
The
Emin Award for Pulling Out of the League on
Draft Day and Not Paying $10
goes to Reece Derraugh. Be warned—kneecap
harvesting season is about to begin!
For (maybe?) the last time this season, that’s it for
me. On behalf of the draft organizers, we hope you enjoyed another exciting
year of fantasy speed skating and we hope to see you again next season. Have a good summer!
Cheers,
Dad